[It's the body of someone who mattered to the few people who mattered to Jack. He would never drop it. He'll even cover it with his own jacket out of respect.]
[ He goes and does it. Trusts Jack to do his part and he does. But then comes the difficult part. Johnny's valiantly working on neutrality and failing miserably.
There's something different, jarring about looking into the face of the recently deceased and knowing they're a friend. "But I just saw him the day before --"
He looks at Jack, quietly helpless. ] I don't know what to do next. Do we leave him here? I don't want to.
[ Jack is good at this. He's good at doing what's necessary. Johnny steps back for Jack to take the lead, on hand to help him with what needs to be done. He goes to lift him up after a moment.
The Brennan's body is cold. Heavy. Ariadne must be devastated. Jack's jacket looks good over him. Like some sort of badge of honor. ]
He probably would have bitched about how his fur was warmer than this.
[Jack says nothing, just nods softly and places his hand against the small of Johnny's back. It's the sort of touch that's intimate, reserved only for certain people, meant to guide as well.]
[ Johnny takes comfort in that. The people around them part, somber and quiet, and when they find a cool, dark room to place Brennan in, Johnny turns to him, curious. ]
[It's a reasonable question. And Jack's not sure Johnny would like the answer. It makes him feel small to think about having less heart. A part of him wishes to be better, to be worthy. A part of him knows it's too late.]
Experience. [He sighs.] If freaking out brought back the dead we'd know real chaos. But it doesn't.
[ He doesn't think it makes Jack any smaller, or any less than himself. Jack just has a different set of experiences, things that Johnny doesn't share. As far as Johnny's concerned, all of it doesn't make him any less worthy. It doesn't make the fireball less enamored with him.
He's quiet for a moment, and in this room he takes his hand in his. Squeezes. ]
[And he means it. Once he had what he thought was the finest of everything. He looks at Johnny and realizes that his opinion of "the finest" has shifted.]
Johnny blinks at that, and despite himself is endeared, warmed by the words. Jack's different, he thinks; the man had believes in him, and that is very rare, precious feeling. Jack doesn't dismiss him the way others always have, relegated him to little more than a playboy with a host of bad ideas. No, he makes him want to be better. ]
Is it going to be weird if I kissed you here? I mean... maybe not the super intense making out, but I really want to kiss you right now.
[ Jack is more than that to him, so much more. He makes a soft noise, maybe apologises to Brennan because this is just inappropriate -- but the idea of having someone to share this moment with you, someone you really like; that's important, isn't it?
He tugs him forward, his hand curling around Jack's scarred wrist, the other curling around his chin to tip his face up to his. Johnny kisses him, soft and slow. Chaste but affectionate. ] You're amazing.
[ He says bluntly -- he hates when Jack is unreadable, but he knows him long enough to understand that it's a defense mechanism. Jack has plenty of them. ] And I won't.
[God, why do his fathers words keeping springing to his lips? It makes him remember, makes him hate him all over. But he can still see the stubborn glint in those blue eyes. An example is needed.]
Let's say that I'm taken prisoner. The Seelie have my head on a chopping block. But there's an attack on your spire and people are in danger. Which do you save? Maybe Morla even forbids you to help me, because the war as a whole is more important to her than any one of us.
[They're pawns, told that they're important but to be moved or sacrificed at any time. Jack realizes this.]
Or what if I go to the next royal audience and insult her to her face, and she forces me into exile. You can't help me, you can't harbor me, because you have responsibilities, ones that you brought upon yourself. These are just two of a thousand scenarios, and a solution to all of them just isn't possible.
[ Because fuck Morla, if the choice is Jack and the Spire. His lieutenants can take care of it; and Eren seems particularly capable in many respects. But it makes him think, pulls him back and puts him in that position -- and what he knows is this: the idea that Jack is with the Seelie turns his stomach, the lurch in his heart when he imagines it is real. Could he stand to lose the war to stop Jack from dying?
He doesn't know, he really doesn't, but he will go to save Jack, anyway, and whatever comes next, comes. ] I don't care what she says, I'm going to help you, and I'd choose you. I just --
-- we can figure out the rest along the way.
[ (this is also known as the dean & sam winchester way of Doing Things.) ]
It's not your call, Johnny. You do this and you answer to her first and foremost, and it won't do me any good to be dragged from the dangers of one court into the dangers of the other, only with you at my side.
[Jack shakes his head. He can't make him understand, Johnny just has to live it. But can he take living through it again, however vicariously?]
[ He catches a hold of his wrist and tugs, wanting to pull him close -- because even the idea of Jack exiled and alone somewhere rouses the most primitive instinct, the need to protect, to be where he is. He can't explain it, he can't understand it, but he knows, maybe, that he would move heaven and earth for him.
Or if that fails, stay in hell with him. ]
No, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. [ He's completely serious. ] I don't care if I have to answer to her. If you're in trouble, I'm going to be right there with you, so you won't be alone.
Then understand what I'm saying, this is not what I want.
[He doesn't know how much clearer he can make. He doesn't want Johnny to have to choose. He doesn't want him to be punished when he does. He didn't listen to him, not to Ariadne either, if he still thinks he can have his cake and eat it too.
If Johnny won't choose, maybe the best thing Jack can do for him is choose for him.]
I don't know that I want to be a part of this again. I was happier without it.
[ He was listening; the difference is that he rejects it. He won't choose, because when push comes to shove, he can give up being baron, pass it to someone else, someone who can take on that burden. But until then, all that is only conjecture, isn't it? They don't know what's going to happen next, whether he has to choose at all.
He frowns, the words striking a chord in him. He understands, and he knows. Jack was happier without the trappings of power, and what -- what did Johnny go ahead to do?
He feels guilt curl in his chest, and he bites his lip. ] I'm sorry. I'm not asking you to come back to this, not when you left it back home. You don't have to be by my side for this.
[Jack thought he still wanted it, thought he could pick up right where he left off on his first day. But in an entire lifetime of that, he can only recall a handful of happy days. He's had more of them here in a single year, so if he dies in the war or gets swallowed up by the Void, he'll die happy. It'll have been worth it.
But it was just a respite. Those carefree days are slipping through his fingers like sand. He looks at Johnny for a long time and snorts.]
Someone would kill you on your first day. I won't have your blood on my hands.
[Even if he has to shed someone else's to stop it.]
[ Johnny had been expecting some other response -- dreading to hear what comes next, because this is usually where people separate, right? He wouldn't want Jack to leave, especially when what they have together has grown to be more precious to him as the days pass. He doesn't quite understand how or why, still, but they've gone beyond superficial fun now, and all he sees is Jack beside him, a quiet pillar of strength when he needed him most.
He pauses, not quite able to fully grasp that yet. ] So... you're not going to move out and leave me?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action.
I'll go and burn through the rope and lower him down slowly. Can you catch him?
action.
[It's the body of someone who mattered to the few people who mattered to Jack. He would never drop it. He'll even cover it with his own jacket out of respect.]
action.
There's something different, jarring about looking into the face of the recently deceased and knowing they're a friend. "But I just saw him the day before --"
He looks at Jack, quietly helpless. ] I don't know what to do next. Do we leave him here? I don't want to.
action.
[Jack's voice stays calm, deliberately gentle.]
We make sure it's what Ariadne wants, and then we bury him.
[There's the matter of a coffin. He deserves that much. Jack can find out the details of that.]
action.
[ Jack is good at this. He's good at doing what's necessary. Johnny steps back for Jack to take the lead, on hand to help him with what needs to be done. He goes to lift him up after a moment.
TheBrennan's body is cold. Heavy. Ariadne must be devastated. Jack's jacket looks good over him. Like some sort of badge of honor. ]He probably would have bitched about how his fur was warmer than this.
action.
action.
How do you do it? How do you not... freak out?
action.
Experience. [He sighs.] If freaking out brought back the dead we'd know real chaos. But it doesn't.
action.
He's quiet for a moment, and in this room he takes his hand in his. Squeezes. ]
Thanks. We also need to get you a new jacket.
action.
[And he means it. Once he had what he thought was the finest of everything. He looks at Johnny and realizes that his opinion of "the finest" has shifted.]
It's not like I need it to keep me warm.
action.
Johnny blinks at that, and despite himself is endeared, warmed by the words. Jack's different, he thinks; the man had believes in him, and that is very rare, precious feeling. Jack doesn't dismiss him the way others always have, relegated him to little more than a playboy with a host of bad ideas. No, he makes him want to be better. ]
Is it going to be weird if I kissed you here? I mean... maybe not the super intense making out, but I really want to kiss you right now.
action.
So what's stopping you?
action.
He tugs him forward, his hand curling around Jack's scarred wrist, the other curling around his chin to tip his face up to his. Johnny kisses him, soft and slow. Chaste but affectionate. ] You're amazing.
action.
[Jack pulls back before Johnny can feel inspired to go for another, taking his hand instead.] Let's go see to the Baroness.
(after THAT discussion)
I know you're upset with me. Do you want to talk?
(after THAT discussion)
I've already talked. I'm not sure what the point would be in doing it again.
no subject
[ He says bluntly -- he hates when Jack is unreadable, but he knows him long enough to understand that it's a defense mechanism. Jack has plenty of them. ] And I won't.
no subject
[God, why do his fathers words keeping springing to his lips? It makes him remember, makes him hate him all over. But he can still see the stubborn glint in those blue eyes. An example is needed.]
Let's say that I'm taken prisoner. The Seelie have my head on a chopping block. But there's an attack on your spire and people are in danger. Which do you save? Maybe Morla even forbids you to help me, because the war as a whole is more important to her than any one of us.
[They're pawns, told that they're important but to be moved or sacrificed at any time. Jack realizes this.]
Or what if I go to the next royal audience and insult her to her face, and she forces me into exile. You can't help me, you can't harbor me, because you have responsibilities, ones that you brought upon yourself. These are just two of a thousand scenarios, and a solution to all of them just isn't possible.
no subject
[ Because fuck Morla, if the choice is Jack and the Spire. His lieutenants can take care of it; and Eren seems particularly capable in many respects. But it makes him think, pulls him back and puts him in that position -- and what he knows is this: the idea that Jack is with the Seelie turns his stomach, the lurch in his heart when he imagines it is real. Could he stand to lose the war to stop Jack from dying?
He doesn't know, he really doesn't, but he will go to save Jack, anyway, and whatever comes next, comes. ] I don't care what she says, I'm going to help you, and I'd choose you. I just --
-- we can figure out the rest along the way.
[ (this is also known as the dean & sam winchester way of Doing Things.) ]
no subject
[Jack shakes his head. He can't make him understand, Johnny just has to live it. But can he take living through it again, however vicariously?]
Do what you want and see.
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Or if that fails, stay in hell with him. ]
No, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. [ He's completely serious. ] I don't care if I have to answer to her. If you're in trouble, I'm going to be right there with you, so you won't be alone.
no subject
[He doesn't know how much clearer he can make. He doesn't want Johnny to have to choose. He doesn't want him to be punished when he does. He didn't listen to him, not to Ariadne either, if he still thinks he can have his cake and eat it too.
If Johnny won't choose, maybe the best thing Jack can do for him is choose for him.]
I don't know that I want to be a part of this again. I was happier without it.
no subject
He frowns, the words striking a chord in him. He understands, and he knows. Jack was happier without the trappings of power, and what -- what did Johnny go ahead to do?
He feels guilt curl in his chest, and he bites his lip. ] I'm sorry. I'm not asking you to come back to this, not when you left it back home. You don't have to be by my side for this.
no subject
But it was just a respite. Those carefree days are slipping through his fingers like sand. He looks at Johnny for a long time and snorts.]
Someone would kill you on your first day. I won't have your blood on my hands.
[Even if he has to shed someone else's to stop it.]
no subject
He pauses, not quite able to fully grasp that yet. ] So... you're not going to move out and leave me?
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